Back to You ch 1
by mkalii
Summary: Deacon Claybourne's already complicated life came crashing down when he discovered that the oldest daughter of his ex/friend was his daughter, too. His relationship with Rayna was already extremely rocky. But Maddie starts to bring the two closer together. Inevitably, shadows of the past still linger, and the line the defines the boundary of their relationship begins to blur.


A/N: So I know that this isn't my usual kind of story. (More like a 180). So I'm pretty much obsessed with the show _Nashville _that's on ABC. I don't know if any of you guys who read my other stuff watch it, but I highly recommend it. Especially if you have an affinity for country music and drama. The first season should be on Netflix (I hope). Anyways, this is what this story is about. Don't fret, I pinky swear to update my other stories after I at least get this one started. I hope by starting this story and taking a break from DWTS World, I'll get rid of the awful writer's block that's plaguing me. I could update, but honestly I would end up half-assing it. And you guys don't deserve that. As for this story, I'm gonna start it with Deacon's POV. I'm starting after he finds out that he's Maddie's biological father. Here goes nothing!:) (oh and I know it's kinda out of the norm for me, but I guess im actually naming these chapters for this story to come. I know it's relatively short, but it's more of a Segway and I wanted to gauge all your responses to see if this is something that is viable to pursue long term. Hence, I NEED REVIEWS. Thanks, guys!:)

Disclaimer* I do not own anything affiliated with the show _Nashville _

Chapter 1: Paternity

_How the Hell did you get here, Deacon? How did you manage to screw your life up in just about every possible way and then-BAM! You singlehandedly managed to just about ruin a little girl's life up in the process…_I thought to myself. Maddie was unintended collateral damage. It was bad enough that she had to deal with the fact that her father was a cheating _bastard _(with his secretary, I might add) and a self-serving politician. But to find out on her own that Teddy wasn't her biological father through a couple pieces of paper at the bottom Rayna's. closet…that's cruelty. Hell, I didn't even know, and I'm the one who created her. At that point, I had to swallow the pill that I had lost thirteen years of seeing _my _daughter grow up. I wasn't there for her first steps, or words, or to find out her likes, dislikes, favorites. I had seen Maddie as a kind of a niece. The daughter of a really good friend, maybe. But never in a million years would I have ever thought that Maddie was my _daughter. _

I stood there, in my kitchen, trying to figure out what I was going to do. Part of me thought that maybe Maddie would be better off without me in her life. She had made it through her first thirteen years pretty damn well without me. I began to rethink that thought when I had recollections of my relationship with my father when I was growing up. I knew for certain that I'd be damned before I was anything like him. I began to get my answer when I placed myself in Maddie's position. If I was her, I'd want to have my biological father in my life. I'd want to be able to get to know him and make up for that lost time. As much as I wanted to be that for Maddie, the idea of being a father downright _terrified _me sometimes. I didn't know the first thing about being a father. As twisted as I might have sounded, even to myself, some part of me, regardless of how small it might have been, appealed to me that I would have the pleasure of making Teddy angry.

As much as I decided that I wanted to form some kind of relationship with my daughter, I was reluctant to reopen the wound that never really healed: my relationship with Rayna. I knew that I'd always love Rayna. That was inevitable. I also knew that being the mother of my daughter was also going to make me love her that much more. But by the same token, it complicated our relationship even more.

It seemed that I was going through every emotion in the human spectrum in a matter of minutes. I had already blown through anger, fear, confusion, sadness, and hurt. Next came regret. The one thing I regretted the most was my addiction. If it wasn't for my addiction, Rayna and I might have actually gotten married and raised Maddie together and might have still been happily married. But I couldn't afford to think like that. It was self-serving and selfish. On top of it all, it would have meant that Rayna's other little girl, who wasn't actually mine, never would have existed. Way too selfish of me. I would endure the pain that any form of contact with Rayna engendered as long as any contact with Maddie was beneficial to her. After several more hours of warring back and forth in my head, I had made my decision. I would be in Maddie's life as long as she would welcome me.

I had called Rayna later that day, asking to meet her to talk about how the future looked with me in our daughter's life. I recalled frantically pacing the floor as I waited for Rayna to answer the call. Much to my relief, Rayna had quickly agreed to come over so we could discuss everything.

I felt like I was twenty-two again, as I rushed around the house, trying to make it look like it wasn't a frat house. Thankfully, Scarlett kept the house as clean as it would get with me living in it. I couldn't even remember the last time I had made a whole-hearted effort to actually clean anything.

I sat at the kitchen table, waiting. Waiting for the conversation that would irrevocably change my life forever. Waiting for this paternal instinct to kick in. Waiting for the "aha" moment where everything would just make sense.

My heart skipped a couple beats when I heard a car door slam shut nearby. For a few short seconds, I was paralyzed. I sat unmoving, my fists clenched and my tendons straining beneath my skin. A hollow knock resonated through the kitchen just moments afterwards, announcing Rayna's arrival.

I walked towards the door, trying to regain some semblance of composure. Anxious, I threw the door open, the hinges groaning in protest. I found Rayna standing on the porch, a tentative smile playing on the corners of her mouth.

"Come on in," I greeted her, gesturing for her to come inside. She gave me a small smile and walked over to the kitchen table. With slow and cautious steps, I made my way back to the table, not entirely wanting to have this conversation.

"Before you say anything, I'd just like to thank you for even being willing to simply _discuss_ this with me. And I want you to know one thing, I'm going to try _my damnest_ to be there in whatever way Maddie wants and needs. I'm not trying to get Teddy erased from the picture. I just want to have some kind of relationship with my daughter. And in the beginning, I did blame you, Rayna, for missing the first thirteen years of my daughter's life. But I've come to realize that it was ultimately my fault that I've missed those thirteen years. And, in some ways, I'm glad that you didn't tell me. I was in no shape to even to take care of myself, nonetheless a new born!" I began, throwing up word vomit in the midst of my flood of emotions.

"Well, I think that this all boils down to Maddie's best interest. And I think you truly have her best interest at heart. Denying Maddie to get to know you on a more fatherly basis is not what I want to do. She's lost right now, Deacon. The world she's known since birth has been thrown upside down. She doesn't know who she is. I'm starting to believe that what she really needs to is find that part of herself within you. I mean, she is half of you. Maddie really needs to reconcile with this new part of her life. I have a nagging feeling that Maddie feels like she was abandoned and betrayed. I think she needs to really know why what happened, happened. I think it'll be best coming from you, Deacon," Rayna replied, surprisingly agreeing with me. That didn't happen very often.

"I completely agree. I want nothing more than just be able to spend just a little time with her. It's all new to me, but I think I can do it. I owe it to Maddie to try," I explained, the whole idea getting a little less frightening.

"I want that for her, too. How about I bring her over tomorrow with me? I'll stay for a little while so that both of you can get acclimated to the situation. Then, I'll leave and you two can spend some time together. Whenever you need me to come and get her I'll be more than willing," Rayna proposed.

"I'd like nothing more, Rayna,". A mix of fear and excitement coursed through my veins. The last time I had felt that way I was band leader for one of Rayna's sold-out arena shows.

"I'll see you at around five tomorrow, then?" she inquired as she began to stand up and walk towards the door.

"Yeah, see you two at five,".

She smiled and walked up to the front door and as she put her hand on the knob I called out, "Rayna?".

"Yeah?"

"Out of everyone, I'm glad I had a kid with you," I professed. That wasn't probably needed. My subconscious had a way of bursting through and sharing thoughts that I wanted to keep inside my head. I was just throwing salt in my wound.

She smiled, but her eyes told a different story, full of unspoken thoughts and repressed memories.


End file.
